*Alone*

Have you ever felt like there was something wrong with you, but you didn’t know what? Like your fighting with yourself  for some unknown reason? I’ve been feeling that way lately. I keep looking at all the possible reasons, but then I look over them and don’t think they’re the reason for my pain.

I’ve felt so overly emotional lately. I thought maybe it’s because I don’t have that many friends anymore, and then I think that it’s because I don’t get enough attention from my boyfriend, when really I get a lot of attention from him. So then I think about the getting hurt again part, like I’m letting my guard down and it’s hurting me emotionally.

I’m getting myself confused. My mind doesn’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what to do lately, I just feel like giving up. All I want to do is cry recently. I feel like there’s a war going on inside of me. For some reason I don’t know what this war is about, all it’s doing is making me hurt myself and others. It’s hard to explain how I feel.

I’m emotionally drained and I feel like no one will understand, especially since I don’t even understand it myself. I don’t have anyone to talk to, even though they say I can come to them, I feel like that’s a negative. I can’t just go and talk to them about it. I can’t tell others, I don’t want to let others in it seems. I’m afraid to, i’m especially afraid to let him in too and I don’t understand why.

I feel like if this war keeps going it’ll eventually push him away and I’m terrified of that. I don’t want to lose him. I’m terrified of being alone. I feel like I’m alone all the time, no one to truly run to, talk to about my problems.  Yet when I talk to him I forget my problems, I forget about all my confusion and about the war going on inside of me. Then when I don’t hear him or see his words I feel desperate, I feel lonely and lost; and I just break down and cry or at least try not to.

I can only hold in my tears for so long, and I can feel it, I feel like I’m going to break soon if I keep all of this inside. People can sense when somethings wrong and they always asks “whats wrong” but how are you suppose to answer when you don’t even know what’s wrong?

I’m all alone in this, and I’ll always be alone. I’m lost in my thoughts and I don’t know how to get out. I’m screaming for help, yet I feel no one can help me. All you can ever do sometimes is cry and have someone just stay there and comfort you. There’s no light in this place, only darkness. And I’m scared of the dark…

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