Feelings Deep Inside of My Confused Mind

Everyone knows what pain feels like, everyone has had the feeling many times. Pain never leaves someone. Whether its pain in your body or your emotionally hurt. It’s people’s nature to hurt others and give them pain even though you don’t think your doing this, you are, and if you don’t know who your hurting; is it better not to know?

Sometimes it’s possible to hurt yourself, for someone else. The pain is only temporary, but you want to make the person so happy that you don’t care about your feelings or what might happen. Happiness only goes so far, but in our world pain and hurt have gone further then happiness.

I’ve talked about how in relationships pain comes up when you both get into a fight or something bad happens between friends. Though what if the pain is coming from yourself? What if you don’t know why you’re hurting yourself like this and even if you are hurting yourself. You’re just scared of getting hurt again.

Those three little words “I Love You” They’re so strong and meaningful, but so is the three little words of “I Hate You.” Which saying have you used more? When you love someone for the first time, you have the feeling that nothing in the world matters and that everything is going to be ok, until you do get hurt. The pain creeps through your body making you weak and sick to your stomach. It takes a long time to get over these new feelings of pain.

When you try to love someone else, you have trouble trusting or loving them. Knowing that the first person always said they loved you and always will but then went ahead and hurt you so much. This new person comes and tells you that they love you, but your so scared of feeling that pain that made you sick to your stomach once. You’re scared of getting to close, your nervous about whether they will always love you like they say.

You want to trust them so much, you want to be fine with them, you want to love them so much; but the past keeps creeping through the depths of your mind and it frightens you. Pain usually comes from trust. When people lie to you, it’s hard to trust someone again and then that’s when the pain wakes from it’s slumber.

This post doesn’t really have an ending. it just goes on about how people can get hurt in relationships and how people have trust issues. Recently, I’ve come to question myself at some things. I’m so young and to myself I feel stupid. I’m like most other girls, wanting to be loved by someone, but yet so scared of getting hurt over and over again. When I find someone that I fall for I try my hardest to keep them. I want to make them happy no matter what. All that matters to me is that I’m happy when I’m with them, that I know they’ll be there for me in the toughest of times, that they understand me and my feelings, and most importantly what matters most is that they truly love me.

Not the love, just because they want to be with someone or want to get over past feelings, but that they actually fell in love with me. How they remind me of how much they won’t let anything ruin the feeling they have towards me, how they wont ever cheat on me, or how they’re not lying to me. I just want a guy that’s honest and I just don’t want to get hurt again. Yet isn’t that what every girl wants, I’m sure guys want the same thing.

I’m glad I found someone that reminds me of how much they love me and they remind me of how much that wont ever change. I’ve never had someone tell me that they want me to be they’re one and only. I’m probably distant sometimes, in my own thoughts, but it makes me happy to know that he’ll always be there if I do want to talk. I feel comfortable around him, knowing that he wont judge me for the things that I do and that he wont push me to do things that I don’t want to do. So therefore, I guess this post is to announce, that I have completely fallen for you. I love you so much Dylan Ward 🙂 ❤ Please never hurt me or cause me pain.

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